Chapter 20: Petals of Ash
You knew. I couldn't believe you.
For so long. I blamed you alone.
But I could have saved her.
I forgive you for my sin.
Silent Burdens
I allowed Afina to lead us through Thornwood Hallow, though for once it was not necessary. Both Micah and I had been through the place before. I in memories of Lysandra and Gormlaith, Micah in their own foolish exploration.
But the Hallow was Afina's ghost to face, and she pushed to the front when a twisted branch snagged on my blouse.
"When I was first born into Lafleur," Afina said to no one, "my Lady brought me to this forest. The first Mavi were not born in the traditional sense, more formed from the passion of our Ladies and drawn to them like lost animals.
"One story, even has us as landaax turned human, desperate to serve the one whose scent lured us." She laughed at a memory. "I almost believed that one, given how vicious the forest landaax can be when they think silverthorn is in danger. But I am given to a slightly different story.
"Long ago. When Lafleur was overrun by people with no hope for large scale cooperation, they prayed the goddesses into existence. Each one the essence of their people's needs." Afina paused as she pulled a branch out of the path and allowed Micah and me to get through. "The land that became Blue Stone needed someone to protect them from the sea, so a goddess who controlled time and space served well, stretching out the seasons and coaxing the sea into a more controlled pattern. But the sea is a fickle mistress, so she became a harbinger of misfortune as well.
"Elder Valley was nigh uninhabitable, so balance and transformation became Lady Nara. But that balance was steeped in lies, so she was a desperate illusion of safety. Similar drives brought about the Lady of justice, consumed with secrets and obsession. Likewise the Despairing Truth, the Ever Stable. All five of them were mistresses of great power and even greater foils. They could not do it alone.
"So they prayed long and hard in the Grand Temple, wishing for someone to offset their unpleasant parts. And we were born, the five of us, as perfect companions to help our Ladies. Not of the land. Not transformed beasts. But parts of their souls, serving them as counterbalance.
"You were right, Micah," Afina said before stopping in a small clearing, "that you and Nyxara are not Gormlaith or Lady Togha. And I couldn't see that when we met. Probably because of how everything went." She walked over to a post that easily could've been a tree and pointed out a sign. "This is the original border of Thornwood. Just like the two of you, this place has changed in five hundred years. And I have to accept that the Mavi of tomorrow cannot be the same as the Mavi of yesteryear. In particular, the Scion of the Aerie must be something new, so that the same mistakes are not made a second time.
"I am sorry both of you are caught up in this," Afina said as she dropped her pack and began work to set camp. "But you can either run from it and wind up dead, or you can embrace it. Together. Who knows what will happen then."
Micah and I were both speechless. We stood, shoulders touching, watching Afina work for a long time. Long enough she had all of her own work finished, for sure.
"I will not be setting camp for you," she said at last. "Get to work so you have plenty of time to rest. The next sevensun is going to be the hardest quarter-moon of your life."
That night, as the sun went down, the howls started. To compare the sound to any other landaax would do a disservice to the power in those troubled voices, for this sound was something else entirely. An otherworldly chant of the hunt beginning and ending with hunger and sadness.
Sleep was an unwilling participant in the night's plan.
Afina demanded we keep watch, a task that hadn't been necessary in our travels ever. "You smell like my Lady, and that means they will find you, Nyxara. If you have any silverthorn flowers in your possession, you should rid yourself of them this moment." She looked from Micah to me and back. "Unless that was part of your plan? In which case I'm moving my tent. I will not be caught up in your foolish games."
"I do, but I was holding that flower for the moment I need it," I said with a snarl. "Of course, that plan was ruined when the deadlands nearly killed both Micah and me. A fact you could have warned us about."
"Yeah, the plains landaax are unpleasant things."
"No. The landaax were easy," Micah growled. It was all bravado, and I was certain Afina could tell. "The land itself tried to eat us. And if you had warned us, we might have found a way to be more careful."
Afina was on her feet and in Micah's face. "What do you —"
The first landaax went for Afina and took her to the ground. Another was just on the edge of the campfire's light, and I was certain it was looking at me. "Micah. Tent. I will not have you hurting yourself here."
"Yes, my Lady," Micah's voice was honey, and I swore under my breath at them. "Don't die," they said as they stepped into the tent.
"A little help here," Afina called to me. I spat at her.
These forest landaax were smaller by a measure than the biggest other landaax we'd seen by that point, but they were heavier by far. The impact of the one who'd been watching me was almost enough to take me to the ground, but I was ready for it. Micah's trick of using cold-flame to steady themself served me well thanks to my size.
When I didn't budge, the beast fell limp at my feet, not breathing.
More were waiting beyond my vision, I knew. So I took the moment to make things easier. I created an intense cold-flame in my hand and pushed it into the air as several of the beasts began vying for the chance to attack first.
"Afina, close your eyes," it was a command she would either listen to or regret ignoring. I didn't wait to find out which as I pushed all my weight into causing the cold-flame above me to flash outward, filling the woods around us with a bright white flame. If I hadn't known it was coming, I might've been blinded. As it stood, I knew exactly when to close my eyes.
Each beast that had been advancing paused, considering the danger it was in. Afina's own assailant stopped long enough that she could get her sabre into its side.
In the lull that arose from my flash, I walked calmly to the tent where my warhammer was leaned against a post. I took it in hand and gave it a few test swings. Enough time had passed I knew the first beast was coming before I saw it. They were deadly quiet, but I was close enough it had no reason not to try.
Lysandra's warhammer collided with the thing's skull, sending it into the nearest tree, which its body wrapped around. The next landaax was on me as quickly, and I made a smaller flash to stun just it and give me the opportunity to grab its immense leg and throw it across the clearing. I was fairly certain I felt something crack before I released it.
Three more tried at once to overcome my strength, but Afina intervened, handling two of them with a single stroke of her sabre. "I am not useless, you know. Spitting is considered an insult. That was rude."
Ignoring her I laid the full weight of the warhammer into the third landaax's spine, and it collapsed like the first had. "You aren't useless, and you're also not helpless. We can talk all sun about the things you aren't. Eventually we'll get tired. For once, you finally told me something you are, and I'm still processing that."
"If you're talking," Micah said from within our tent, "that means it's safe, yeah."
"Come on out, Em."
"Excellent," they said and bounded over. "Neat trick you used there, Nyx." They pointed upward where the cold-flame I'd thrown still shone brightly. "You didn't get that one from me."
"Nope. Got it from a man in Greywatch. Taught me how to handle drunks," I smiled at the memory of Tareth's father picking thugs up by their hair and dragging them out of town gatherings. "Not the nicest thing to do to someone who's had too much wine, but it works."
"And it bought you time, so it's a win-win."
"I am still here," Afina groaned. "Can you two not do whatever this nonsense is about while I am with you? We need to decide who is standing first watch."
"You are," Micah and I both said in unison.
"Outvoted so easily," she said, shoulders slumping. "Then I'll wake Nyxara at midnight."
"Perfect."
I was still wide awake when Afina came to get me. There was no telling her that. She didn't deserve my weakness. She barely deserved my assistance, though I was coming around to the idea of working together with her, so long as Micah was willing.
The Devouring
Each sun was peaceful. Each night was more of the same. Monstrous forest landaax, bigger every night, attacking when our guard was down. And each morning as I was closing out the watch, there were fresh snowpetal blossoms everywhere I'd moved in the fight with the beasts.
I desperately plucked the flowers from the ground and carried them with me to lie down for a quick nap before breakfast. Letting Afina see what I was doing would spell disaster. She would look at me with a knowing expression and demand I take up weapons against the Fiend, and I was not about to do that alone.
So I hid the flowers. And after Afina and I swapped places at midnight, I'd burn the evidence. She could not have that part of me. And if the fire burnt a bit too long for the amount of wood on it, that would be my little secret.
The sixth night was the hardest. I hadn't slept more than an hour on any given sun. Micah started taking more of our gear. They wordlessly took the extra burden and patted me on the shoulder each morning as we set out. No amount of appreciation would serve as thanks for their help.
Afina implied that getting rid of the flowers I carried would solve the issue of landaax attacks, but that wasn't an option. I needed those flowers. I wasn't certain why or how, but I knew the silverthorn, bloodleaf, and voidstem I carried were necessary for something. Hells, the goldroot had saved our lives.
Sun by sun, I felt myself getting worn down, but I couldn't let on. Micah knew, and they were handling it. We only needed to make it to the temple, and if Afina could be trusted, that would be soon. She'd said it would be a rough quarter-moon, but we were still going on the thirteenth sun.
Perhaps she'd noticed my fatigue after all.
I crawled from my bedroll when I smelled breakfast on the morning of the foureenth sun but lingered in the tent. My body didn't want to keep going. My mind couldn't keep going. I was starting to hear voices. See things.
"Afina," Micah growled outside the tent. "If you don't let her rest, you'll kill her." I gasped at their words, slapping a hand to my mouth before the sound got too far. "And if you're not careful, you'll kill me in the process. I know we're expendable. We'll be replaced in due time. But when, Afina? Next year? Next century? Do you really want to spend another five hundred years alone?"
"Well, I wouldn't be alone," Afina's disgusting gravel voice was more rage-filled than she had a right to, "because I've found Lady Nihil and Aeluin."
"I'll set aside Aeluin, but do you really think Deona will give you even a second in her presence when she finds out I'm dead?"
"Deona? Is that the name she's taken these suns?" Afina barked a laugh. "I remember every name she ever used. Draethis, Nihil, Briar, Alita. She's gone through so many forms and names. You are nothing to her."
The heat that came over me in that moment told me Micah was burning with that white and black flame again. They'd almost destroyed the tavern where we were staying in Blue Stone when they couldn't control it. If I didn't stop them, they would burn themself out.
"Devouring." Afina's rage had vanished. Her voice faltered. "It can't be."
"It can. And your inability to share anything you know is why I'm like this." A coughing sound reached my ears. "And the only reason I'm not gone yet is that woman you're working to death. So either you die, or you slow down. I'm fine either way." A sharp rasp invaded Micah's words. "Since you can't speak with my hand at your throat, you're going to nod for me. Or I'll squeeze harder. Are you going to slow down?"
Stepping out of the tent, I saw exactly what I expected, and every part of me shook. Closing the gap between Micah and me, I wrapped my arms around them and reached deep inside me. I could feel the force of their flame pulling on my own soul, so I gave it just what it wanted. I pushed my cold-flame to the surface and let it feed.
Afina slumped to the ground and Micah turned about in my desperate hug. Their face was a twisted caricature of the one I loved, but they were desperately fighting something within them to bring it back.
I pushed my cold-flame harder into the thing that was eating Micah alive. I wouldn't let it take them. I couldn't.
"Nyxara," they said. "It won't work. It's too far gone."
"I can't believe that, and you know it." I forced a smile. "I have an idea. If you're going to die anyway. Willing to try something foolish? We can add a fourteenth idea to my terrible list." Micah nodded, something like tears forming in their eyes. "Good soul. Fight back for a moment. I'm going to let you go."
My body breathed relief as I released Micah and our flames finally separated. I pushed my own into the soil at my feet, putting as much as I could into it until the snowpetal blossomed in my hand. I took the petals from the flower and I looked back to Micah.
"You have to eat these, Em. Do you understand? I don't know if it's safe, but at least I'll have an answer. And if it works —"
Their hands trembled as they tore the petals from mine and pushed them between hungry lips. I watched breathlessly as they chewed the petals and eventually swallowed. Micah's mouth moved to form words but none came. Only a terrorised screech.
A soft thump came from the spot where Micah fell. The flames didn't extinguish themselves like they had in Elder Valley. Instead, they scorched the grass and dirt and everything within a few feet of Micah, whose body still hadn't relaxed.
It was just me, alone with the flames and Micah's body. Afina was breathing, but she seemed to be unconscious. All I could do was wait. And hope.
My own breath returned when I noticed the flames changing colour, but it wasn't for the better. Micah's flames went black before beginning to recede into them. A heat began to radiate from them, and I had to fight against the urgent need to flee. I moved closer against the pressure of fear.
I could smell flesh burning as my arms were seared with the heat of it. I took solace in the fact that Micah had started looking normal again. Pulling them close, I felt a pressure against everything inside me, but I wasn't going to abandon them. If they were to die that day, so was I.
But I didn't die. My lungs were fire, my arms were vanishing to the pain, and I felt every part of me continuing to fight the choice. Micah needed a friend.
Deep breath in, push cold-flame out. It was all I could think as the pain consumed every other sensation, so I followed that pattern. Deep breath in, push cold-flame out. Some part of me wanted to believe the black flames were at last beginning to subside, but that was wishful thinking. Deep breath in, a flash of white. This wasn't the end. I couldn't let it be.
I kept the pattern for as long as I was conscious. I don't know if the flames subsided first or if I passed out first, but I know that when I awoke with Micah in my arms, they were safe. Afina was sitting on a log, her face twisted. We were on the ground, and moving hurt every part of me.
But Micah was breathing. Their heart sounded like a drum in my ears.
A pile of landaax corpses big enough to have been stacked over a sevensun lingered far behind Afina. And I could see hints of Salora's temple between gaps in the trees.