Chapter 18: Omnia Cantare
We were not meant for the Sapphire light, becoming eclipsed by a fraction of a fraction of a sliver of it. The brilliant limning of those five hearts was a shield against what could be, gently carrying to us what should. So where had we gone wrong in protecting those sweet souls?
Rhapsodic Noise
"I have good news, bad news, and worse news," Nyx groaned after an hour or more inspecting Asha as closely as she could. "Which do you want first?"
Davian's was screwed up in something like fear. I couldn't blame him. "Worst news. Work our way to best." To his credit, his voice wasn't shaking.
"Okay. Well, the worse news won't make much sense out of context, but this changes where Vaelis might have gone, and now I have no clue. We're going to have to investigate the whole of Lafleur at this point." She took a sharp breath as Tal appeared in her shadow, the newly sapphire hair a perfect match for Roisin and now Asha. She whispered something as Nyx continued speaking. "Bad news is that while I'm something like ninety percent certain she's a Mavi, I have no way of knowing if she's yours ore Vaelis's."
"Hence the worse news," I said with a deep sigh. "So our daughter and my sister," I continued, "are both some manner of divine warrior. I guess it's time to teach Asha the ways of the labrys."
· That should have taken you longer. ·
Nyx crossed the room to me and got a little too close. "Why the labrys, Delia? Why?" She started looking me up and down. "You know something you're not telling us, don't you."
"Because it's an effective weapon for someone with less finesse, so she can start to learn now." It was a rationalisation. She wasn't a fighter. "Though I suppose something lighter would be better. A bow requires a lot of strength, even if it takes less power to lift."
"Delia, love," Davian's hand calmed me and brought me back to the moment. "She still has good news."
"Good news comes in a few parts," Nyx said, standing straight up and moving back to where she was standing. "She's perfectly healthy, and so long as she doesn't put snowpetal or silverthorn in her, she'll grow up strong and sturdy. But more than that, she's thrilled about the hair."
A laugh bubbled up from somewhere deep. Of course she was pleased to have hair matching Roisin's. Asha was the most dedicated in all of Powell's Square. No one loved Roisin like she did.
"We might be able to change the 'bad' news to good news," Nyx said when Tal finally finished whispering. What all had she told Nyx? "Tal, love. You're turn. This one is too personal for me to share."
She didn't speak much, so I was unfamiliar with Tal's voice. Still even with that, I knew her voice was wrong when she spoke. Depthless, not quite hollow, but a joy that sparked something soothing inside me. "Does Asha have cold-flame?"
I hadn't seen my daughter in a year, and we hadn't tested it in all of everything that happened. Powell's Square was full of people who never developed cold-flame. There was no telling.
"Yes," Davian said softly. "She used it to comfort Sage while Delia was missing. There's a dexterity to her control that I've never seen before."
My stomach flipped. I'd missed so much. What next? Sage is going to come down the stairs and be bigger than his father?
· Stop spiralling. That's absurd. That doesn't happen for five more years. ·
'What do you know?' I thought at the voice, but I didn't have time to get an answer.
"Asha!" Davian called sweetly. "Get down here sweetie! Aunt Nyx and Aunt Tal have questions for you!"
I'd missed some part of the conversation, clearly. Tal was holding a pair of flowers. One gold, one crimson. I knew them both. The gold was the same as the ones that grew in the pavilion. The very same that were scattered around me when I awoke after the accident. Goldroot. The other was one of two flowers on that trail leading me back to the scene of the crash.
"Bloodleaf," I whispered. "Where did you get that?"
Asha was in the room. There were a lot of people talking. A low-level buzz was filling the air. A weight on my chest shallowed my breath. Flashes of terror and rage. Two nobles beneath a carriage. Poisoned. And I, with nothing. Not even a name. Saved by a dolly. She took a million forms.
Was this what Tenebra was experiencing?
Static. Then I was dizzy. The image wouldn't resolve itself. We the nobles a man and a woman? Two men? A pair of children? The dolly's hair was silver or blue or emerald. It kept happening.
What was it?
· This is later than it's meant to be. ·
"Shut up."
· Take a damned breath Delia. ·
"Stop it."
· If you don't listen, this gets worse. ·
"It's been worse since you arrived! Who are you?"
· You know that answer. And you know why I can't tell you. ·
"Get out of my head. Leave me alone. This all started to get worse when you arrived."
· You don't mean that. ·
"What is reality?"
· All of it. ·
Chilled hands touched both sides of my face. Grounding me, pulling me into the moment. Everything around me was golden. There were no people, only fear, only pain, only wrong.
"Fluxy Mouse," the voice was soft but so far away. "You can't see me, but you can feel me. Focus on that."
She held a bit tighter, squishing my cheeks in some. Who called me Fluxy Mouse? It must be Deona. Tenebra? Draethis? Nihil.
"Good. You're doing incredibly. You are at the smithy. The accident was a year ago. I want you to take a deep breath." When I didn't, another hand touched me. On the shoulder. Whomever it was didn't speak. "Elia Gideon. Calm yourself."
A shock ran through me all the way to my toes. It pulled my body into a strange position. On my knees, hands hanging at my sides. It tore at me, wrenched away something that I wanted to hold dear. That wasn't fair. I needed that.
· No you don't. This should have happened sooner. ·
'Who are you? How do you know everything that's happened?'
· Stop asking and start thinking. Whose voice do you hear? ·
'Mine.'
· Finally. ·
Lingering Intermezzo
The room was still. Tenebra's hands were on my face. On Delia's face? Both could be true at once, I decided. Asha was cowering behind Davian, her newly sapphire hair getting soaked through with tears. Davian, meanwhile, had set his jaw and didn't take his eyes off of me.
Tal and Nyx were standing back and out of the way. Em was yet again rushing to help their wife. Always a second too late. Jasmin's was the hand on my shoulder. She and Tenebra were watching me too closely. I assumed in hopes of seeing something good.
Roisin was in the corner, holding Sage, keeping his attentions on her.
And there was Delia, on the floor, her knees tight and pressed by her full weight against the hard surface. Her arms were limp. She was the perfect image of passivity. But she was also broken in a deep way.
Standing there, it felt like the moment of quiet before the cycles reset. But this was different. There were a million of me. At least. Sharing that space, watching the scene play out.
"How?" I whispered, but the word echoed loudly off of every body.
"Wrong question." The Voice was taunting me. At least it wasn't my bratty kid sister this time. Just the annoying person who is me. Finding a teachable moment in everything. "Try again."
"No. I won't." I searched for the me who had spoken. "I know the 'when'. It's no time. I know the 'where'. Nyx's bubble of stable space stolen by Aurelin in tiny pieces. I know the 'who'. It's me. Every version of me who survived beyond the End. So tell me. How?"
"You're no fun," she said, at last turning from the scene before us and facing me. "But I suppose there must be a reason you're still going. Something different about you."
"Could it be my winning charm and delightful personality?"
"It's your friends and family, stupid."
We laughed together for a moment. It felt good. "So tell me," I said at last, "you're the Voice. I'm the Voice. But how do you know so much?"
"Short answer?" I nodded at the other me. "Aurelin stole Salora's future sight in its entirely, not just the tiny fractions of her frozen time. These are the versions of you that make it to the end. The versions who eventually give that sight back to Salora, but not until the time is right."
"Is she here?" That was a stupid question. Aurelin was part of something else now. Why did I know that? "Don't answer. Better question. Is this what Salora experienced all the time before us?"
"Worse."
"Poor woman," I shook my head and moved to Jasmin's side. "She has a rough go ahead of her."
"She has Roisin. You have your own Mavi."
"Is it Asha?"
She put a finger to her lips. "I'm not spoiling the fun."
"Why am I here? Right now."
To give me time to reboot. That's the answer that was coming, even if I didn't understand the words. "You need time to settle, to get your mind under control. A weird sort of reset." She crossed over and sat next to Jasmin. "You know there's a version of things where Roisin never comes back, and you two eventually get married."
"Ew."
"Don't knock it until you've knocked boots with it, love. Jasmin's a better partner than Davian by far."
"Still gross. She's my sister." Which is why I'm the one who is 'prime'. No chance for cognitive dissonance.
"There's also a version where you get knocked up by a goddess. I'm not telling who."
"Thanks for that mercy."
"Are you the 'last' of us? The one who makes it to the 'happily ever after'?"
"No. That's you."
I knew that, but I had to confirm.
"Feeling better now, love?" She was far more friendly than I expected.
"Yes. I suppose."
"Be kinder to us going forward. We are all you."
Nodding, I moved back to Delia's side and slipped into her being like I had before. The room was bright, and I was once again surrounded by all the people I loved.
Tenebra's smile outshined everyone. "Good girl. Welcome back, Fluxy Mouse. All of you."
Hopeful Quartets
In the terror, we forgot to test Asha, and she struggled to come near me for a bit. The mystery of what was happening with her would continue for several moons. It was a simple fact of existence. Goddesses were being reborn. Mavi were returning to Lafleur. The world was healing. Asha's hair was sapphire.
We should have looked her in the eyes. That would have told us so much more and so much sooner.
Preparations began to search for Vaelis. She was out there somewhere. In a perfect world, she'd be resting in her temple in her home far eveward. Lafleur was far from perfect. We couldn't hope for that.
So we devised a plan to split into three groups. One would stay in Violet's Repose, continue working to dismantle the noble houses. By force if necessary. The other two would travel to Greywatch Spire in the phobward region then split up and travel around Lafleur in the search. Those two groups would, hopefully, meet up in Powell's Square with Vaelis in tow.
Or she'd be there, and another year would have been wasted because we couldn't trust our instincts. No big deal.
The problem, though, was who would go where.
"We stay in the city," Kovar indicated herself and Nico. "This is our home, and the Sisters wouldn't get anything done without us."
"And I'm not leaving my wife's side," Em said plainly. "She's been running about like a loon for five hundred years, and I've missed her dearly."
"I am just a craftsman," Davian said softly, "and Sage is too young for the sort of things you're doing. He and I are staying here."
"Even if she begged me not to, I'd stay by Roisin's side," Jasmin's voice was oddly hollow. "She threw herself off that cliff and survived. I'll not let her forget that." While I didn't know the history behind the words, I couldn't help understanding the sentiment.
Tal raised her hands. Yet again talking to command a group. "Stop just saying 'I want this, I want that', everyone." Her voice was a fascinating blend of shadow and snow. Sand and light. A rainbow of textures. "Women with wives will be staying with those wives. Easy. That cuts down the worry and also brings the problem down to four groups plus Delia, Davian, Asha, and Sage.
"As Davian said: Sage cannot travel, so someone will stay with him here. Davian volunteered, leaving Delia with Asha," her voice softened with her expression as she addressed Asha directly. "I know you're worried little one. You don't have to travel with Momma. You can stay with your brother, but I think we'd all be happier if you'd try."
"Will Aunt Rosie go with us?" Asha looked from Tal to me to Roisin. My heart broke with her next words, but they echoed my own thoughts. "Cause I want to go with her."
"Absolutely, little one," Tal smiled broadly. "Aunt Rosie and Aunt Jazzy would be overjoyed to have you." She addressed the room. "There. Simple. The oldest go together. The newest go together. The mundane – no offence to the four of you – stay here."
Nyx was giggling at something. She was apparently enjoying watching her wife take charge. Em kept elbowing her to get her to stop, but it did little against the mountain of a woman.
As I watched them, I remembered a story Ma told me about when she met Da. In Greywatch Spire. A perfectly handsome man who turned out to be a woman. A married woman. And the lug who would be Da. It was really no wonder Ma felt that way if Nyx was the woman she saw.
My cheeks flushed at the thought.
"Along the way," Tal continued her briefing, "we're bound to encounter at least three threats. Larabrin – what we once called forest landaax – are the least threat. Wild beasts. They're drawn to silverthorn, so as long as you don't smell of the things, you're likely safe." She glowered at Jasmin. "Don't get yourself killed.
"Second are the queen's guard. The worst they can do is attack while you're unguarded." Her eyes went to Nyx, then to Em. "Please don't be stupid."
We all knew the final threat. The lizard beasts. Devourers. They were a wild card. We knew only that they existed and that they reacted to cold-flame. But all of us had fought them. They were a mostly known threat.
"Momma," Asha tugged on my sleeve, "when do we go home?"
"Well my little wanderer," I considered for a few seconds before answering, "we go home when everyone in Lafleur has hope. And that's why we have to travel. To find hope and bring it to everyone."
"And," Roisin laughed around her words, "to get really good food. We're going through Blue Stone. We have friends there who will feed you better than I ever could."
"Yes," Jasmin agreed, "and a little boy I think you'll make fast friends with. You love stories, right Asha?" My daughter nodded, making a face that implied irritation. "There's a boy in Blue Stone named Aidan. He loves stories. Gave me so many. I bet he'd love to share some with you."
"And after all that. Getting hope and food and stories," Asha met my eyes, tears forming as she spoke, "we all go home?"
"Of course, my little wanderer."