Chapter 21: Undevoured, Untaken
To my sister
The love of man is a passing thing
The love of my Lady is everpresent
She will wait for you
Always
— Gormlaith, Scion of the Aerie
Awakening, At last
When she saw my eyes were open, Afina stood from her place and began rummaging about for something. Eventually she crossed the distance and met my eyes. She lifted Micah from my arms and lay them next to me. I tried desperately to beg her to stop and bring my friend back, but all that came out was a groan. My legs and arms were stiff. My mouth was locked. I could hardly move anything around the aching. Every inch of skin was still ablaze.
Afina set to work rubbing something on my skin. "Micah is, somehow, okay. But you nearly killed yourself. And while I might've deserved to be alone after how I've treated you, I'm glad you survived." Her rough hands scratched the skin where she touched, but the pressure was gentle, studied.
Before she'd covered everything with whatever it was, the burning began to subside I was at last able to relax the muscles that had constricted. It smelled terrible, but if it did the job, then that was fine by me. I'd far rather smell like medicine and dirt than to feel like death was begging for my return.
Afina slowed her work and met my gaze again. She took a deep breath, brows knit together, and seemed to come to some decision. Her hands returned to work, and she looked elsewhere.
"I was there," she said, yet again talking to no one in particular, "when the Fiend first appeared. So far as my Lady or any of her sisters were concerned, she was a monster who appeared from nowhere. They didn't listen to me. She wasn't a monster. She was a good woman in a bad situation."
Part of me was listening. The rest was desperately trying to move so I could see that Micah was still safe. They were breathing, but was their heart beating? Was their soul still ablaze? Would they wake up? As I noticed her words turning severe, a flare shot through my whole body. Her hands had found some terrible wound, and the salve was a new electric shock on raw nerves.
What had I missed in her words?
"You know, it could have been any of us," Afina's voice was cracking again. "When the great peace began, I was terrified of what might happen. And then S—" Her mouth tried and failed to form the name. "Then my Lady told me she knew I loved her. That she helped orchestrate the peace so we could build something new together. My fear melted into joy. But the Fiend didn't have that. There was a love. There were so many loves. But she missed the one that was right in front of her. Almost a century of missing that love."
She'd finally finished applying the healing salve, whatever it was, and I was starting to feel like I could move again. It was a slow process, but I managed to drag myself to Micah's side.
"What you and Micah are building together is special," Afina said. "But I hate to tell you what you need to hear. You've become her. The Lady Togha. You're different though. Like you're still human as well."
I felt the tears falling as I turned back to her. "You saw, didn't you." I didn't need her answer. There was no way she didn't see me growing Lysandra's flower from the ground. "It's been like this since the Crucible. Micah too. We've been changing, and there's nothing we can do to stop it."
"Then don't stop it." It was so easy for her to say that. "I might not know what it means to be human, but you and Micah do. Hold onto that feeling. Hold onto each other. And when you change, you will be something brand new. Not Lady Togha. Not Gormlaith. But Nyxara and Micah. The new champions of the Aerie. Not a goddess and her Mavi, but a warrior and her friend."
"Don't call me a warrior." The words were weaker than I was. "I'm a baker. And a traveller."
"And the strongest woman I've ever seen. Stronger than Gormlaith, and that's saying something. That woman could damn near move mountains. And Lady Togha couldn't or wouldn't give up her life for the one she loved, so you're much stronger than her for even trying." Afina smiled. "Once Micah wakes up, we'll go into the temple. There will be a pack of landaax waiting for us. I beg you to leave the flowers behind. But since you won't, can you at least drop your pack before stepping into the place?"
"That's my choice, you know," I smiled weakly, hoping to communicate my playful meaning. "I'll consider it."
"Good enough for me."
Micah was still out when the sun went down and the fire went up. The howls from the forest were louder, more desperate, and just a short distance away, coming from the direction of Salora's temple. When the first growls broke through the tree line, Afina stood and signalled for me to stay with Micah.
She lifted my pack from beside the tent. It was clear she wanted to draw as much attention to herself as possible. A sickly silver flame flickered about her as she walked toward the massive pile of dead beasts she'd been collecting.
Just as she hoped, not a single landaax came to the campfire. Perhaps it really had been a sevensun, and she'd sorted how to keep us safe. In any case, she eventually returned and joined us by the fire. I marvelled at how clean her clothes were, given the sounds of slaughter I'd heard moments before.
Micah stirred in my arms, but they did not wake.
"We'll be safe for the night, so long as none of the damned things notice the fire," Afina grunted. "Take your friend and go to bed. Honestly I'm shocked you aren't in worse shape. Especially with how much harm came to you in the first sun after that."
"Right," I muttered and fought against gravity for several seconds to lift Micah so I could carry them to our tent. "Thank you."
"I would have done it even if you had begged me not to," Afina half-smiled at me. "Now go to bed. Rest. If I have even the faintest feeling you're not asleep, I will personally shove the bloodleaf from your bag down your throat, and then we'll be stuck in this spot for two more sevensuns. So sleep."
My dreams were a fitful mess as I remembered what Micah had looked like as the black flames fought to consume them.
A twisted face. Eyes ringed in black. Lips pulled back to reveal sharp fangs. Bestial claws tearing through flesh, fighting to the surface. And all the while, Micah slowly slipping away from me.
Gasping coughs greeted me with the sunlight. I bolted upright and found Micah, still human, still safe, but their chest was heaving around something. Their breath levelled when I rolled them over and patted their back. The sound was dry but hopeful as air struggled to push itself into their lungs.
"Nyx," it didn't sound like Micah's voice, and I wasn't sure I actually it at first. "Nyx, please."
Their eyes were still closed. They must be dreaming.
"Nyx, wait," they rasped. "You can't, Nyx. We'll both —"
A nightmare, then. "It's okay, Em," I whispered softly. "It's okay. We are safe. I'm safe. And so are you." Their breath steadied with the first words, but I continued. "The danger is past. Our future is bright."
They blinked slowly. Open, closed, open, closed. Several seconds of adjustment passed. "Nyx, dear heart," the rasp from their sleep persisted, "do you have anything for my throat?"
"We have water and more water," I aimed for lighthearted, but I was certain they could hear my voice shaking. "Give me a moment."
My waterskin was outside the tent along with our gear. Afina was off someplace else – everything except her sword was still there – and the fire still smouldered. That was good. It meant she couldn't harass me for sleeping too long.
The quiet was nice, and I breathed deeply for a moment before returning to Micah. "Water delivery, Em," I whispered, moving close to them. "I'm going to need you to sit up."
"Would that I could. Everything feels like a thousand mammoth beasts are sitting on it. Arms, legs, hands, feet. I'm squashed." They smiled brightly and broadly. "Pick me up, please?"
I dragged them up, leaning them on my chest. "Well, there are worse places to be than underneath you, I suppose." I brought the waterskin to their lips gently. "Drink up."
They swallowed a few gulps. "Thank you," they said, their voice recovering some of its melodic tone. "How is it that you look like hells, but you seem mostly fine, while I feel like thirty thousand deaths took me at once?"
"For what it's worth, Deona would say you look lovely," I hugged them, prompting a weak groan. "Sorry. I was worried. Afina was too."
"She still around? I guess I have to apologise for saying she couldn't be loyal to anyone for any reason." They laughed at their own cruelty. "But you'll be happy to know that I have seen the error of my ways. She can be loyal in the name of guilt."
"It would seem so." I took a short breath to steel myself before asking the question that was holding my chest a bit too tightly. "Have you tried your cold-flame?"
A weak hand raised from Micah's side, and a bright white flame lit up, pulling the heat around us to the spot.
"Would you look at that," they said. "I'm not broken anymore. Or rather, that's not broken."
"Good enough. For now."
Time Tested Tears
We rested two more suns at that spot just outside Salora's temple. Each night Afina would leave with my pack, protecting us from danger, and return without a drop of blood on her. Each sun, Micah and I would recover a bit of strength. By the third sun, Micah couldn't carry any real weight, but Love's Paradox at last found its home back in their hands.
They got up before sunrise, probably not intending to wake me, but the lingering weakness made them clumsy. I did what I could to hide that they hadn't disturbed me, then watched from inside the tent as they paced back and forth for several minutes before taking a deep breath and producing an impressive cold-flame – not quite their best, but impressive for their physical state.
As they closed the gap, I was certain they would notice me, but they went to my pack and lifted something. When they came back into view, they were holding their warhammer, almost hugging it to their chest. I swear they were crying.
My own strength returned rapidly. More than returned, if I'm honest. By the end of the second sun, I was able to lift my own pack, Micah's, Afina's, and both of them without much issue.
I, meanwhile, had discovered a mildly vain cost of friendship. Apart from the burn scars covering huge portions of my skin, I'd also lost a lot of hair, burnt to the skin. So I did what had to be done, and I cut it short like Afina's. That caught a laugh from both my companions, but it was better than the alternative.
Breakfast, preparation, and lunch were all that separated us from the short walk to Salora's temple. I'd resolved to follow Afina's advice about the flowers. Not to dispose of them, but to leave them just outside the temple. I wasn't sure I was prepared to handle landaax while I was also exploring the space, and I didn't need Micah trying to fight until they were back to health. Especially as excited as they got at the possibility.
Dropping my pack on the dirt, I was the first to step into Salora's temple. As Afina predicted, there were dozens of landaax lazing about like guards who hadn't seen action in years – an observation I realised was fairly accurate. My footsteps were heavy, testing the tenuous safety of the moment. Not one looked my way.
"Nyx," Micah whispered as they moved up next to me, "which flower was hers?" They didn't say Salora's name, probably hoping to avoid upsetting Afina.
"Silverthorn," I whispered back. "It looks kind of like a rose with silver petals."
"Poisonous, right?"
"Deadly. I'm kind of shocked you didn't kill yourself with it in Elder Valley."
We kept whispering as we walked deeper into the space, but the landaax paid us no mind. It was like they didn't care as long as we weren't a threat. Just as the one in the Aerie during our winter there. It had been such a long journey since then, and it was nice to see them ignoring me.
"Yes, well, I was terribly careful. And grateful you brought the flowers along. Saved our butts back then."
Our steps led us directly to the phobward altar, Lysandra's. It was the closest when we stepped into the space, so it made sense. A worn out book sat there staring at us from the altar. I recognised it in a heartbeat.
"Eliana's journal," Micah said with a reverent gasp. "She came here. For us."
The book was tied with twine to keep it closed. She'd filled it with notes and markups and little sheets explaining what she'd found in her studies. A letter was tucked into the front cover. Not a message from a goddess, but a lifeline from a friend.
Nyxi, Lady of the Aerie.
You weren't in the Aerie when Tareth and I returned. I thought the worst, but he reminded me how tough you were, and it set me at ease. I'm writing this as I travel through Thornwood Hallow. To hopefully stop you before you do something reckless without all the information.
Though I have a suspicion we won't see each other again, given it's been a few years. Tareth and I have children now. They're good kids. I think you'd like them.
I've bookmarked a few helpful passages from the dreams you shared and the message Lady Togha left in the Aerie for you. Plus a few useful items I found in the capital library.
Anyway. Good luck, friend. Hopefully you find this world holds some beauty for you.
El Primrose, Lady of Greywatch Spire
Tareth Primrose, Husband of El
"What does she mean 'a few years'?" I asked aloud.
Micah hummed an odd sound over my shoulder. "Maybe it's a joke."
"It's not a joke, Nyxara," Afina said as she reached the platform behind me.
"But we've only been travelling for about two years," I said, dropping the journal and turning to meet Afina's silver eyes. "And they didn't even have kids when they returned to Greywatch Spire."
"I take it you don't know then. How long you were in Elder Valley."
"Seven moons. Two with Micah carrying me, one to recover, four to leave." I recounted the time over and over before frowning. "How long were we asleep in the garden? How long was Deona watching over us?"
"Both of you need to sit down. I thought you knew." Afina tugged my sleeve, making it clear she was serious. As I got seated, she did the same to Micah. "I went to every corner of Lafleur looking for you after I got my head on straight," she said with a grimace. "From Amber Sands to the Aerie to Blue Stone to the Thicket. I knew you'd be making a circuit, so I just had to catch you up from the last place I saw you. It took me six years before I found that village. The one you buried."
"Six. Years." My chest tightened. "What do you mean, it's been six years?"
"I assumed you were there tending to the land. I assumed —"
"No point worrying over it now," Micah said with a grunt. "We're here. We're almost done. And once it's over, we can worry about the time we lost." They stood. Taking it better than I expected. "Let's find Lysandra's final message and get the hells out of here."
Afina's face twisted in confusion. "What did Micah just say?"
"They said we needed to find the message that was left and get the hells out of here." I parroted the message.
"No. I heard that. There was something else."
"Lysandra," I said slowly. One of Afina's brows raised. "Are you not able to understand her name?"
"No." Her jaw clenched. "You know her name?" I nodded. "This world really has changed. Well, I suppose it is for the best that you don't want to be her, since I couldn't understand the name anyway."
That explained so much. And yet, it led to so many more questions. "Six years, hmm?" Afina nodded at me. I stood and put a hand on her shoulder. "Well, then I suppose it's time we finish this journey. Our last stop is the capital."
Micah tilted their head to the side. "No message?"
"Eh," I laughed, "it'll be here when we're done handling the Fiend."
"Good enough for me," Micah said before unleashing that earth shaking laugh I had missed. "To the capital then!"