Chapter 6: Shearing History
Light is a liar, and darkness a scoundrel. Neither time nor tide may be given the title of truth. All that stands at the end is love, kinship, understanding, and care. The rest is an illusion, trapped within misfortune, twisted by obsession, and encompassed by despair. There is nought left for me, save if she returns with all the others.
Naming Nighttime
"How long do we let them stay there like that?"
"I don't know, but moving them would ruin the moment."
"They're not in the way. We can make breakfast and bring it up."
"If I were a less confident soul, I might be a bit upset at the arrangement. As it stands, this is the most peaceful she's looked since before she disappeared."
"You'll need to fill me in on that over breakfast."
"Not much of a story. Their daughter was conscripted. Deona lost it. Can't blame her, really."
"And the fallout of it is legendary, but not in a good way."
I didn't bother opening my eyes, content to listen to the gaggle of gossiping going on around me. Tenebra was still in my lap, which remained fairly damp from tears. Probably, she was also awake but keeping her eyes closed. I didn't know why in the moment, but I was certain that was the case.
"'Not in a good way' is a dire understatement, the likes of which the world will hopefully never know again."
"Sounds like quite a tall tale. Tell me what you can, as you can."
Their voices faded as the many pairs of footsteps worked their way down the stairs to the main floor of the smithy. Tenebra didn't move her head, but she did reach her arms around me and pull herself closer.
"Good morning," I whispered. "I think they're gone."
She squeezed a bit tighter. "You are correct, but I'd like to stay here just a few more seconds."
"Fair. But perhaps allow me a moment to handle necessaries, and we can move this affair to the bed." I giggled when her eyes shot open. "I'm sure your Doll would be okay with it."
"They prefer wife, but I doubt they'd fight your use of my pet name for them." Tenebra's smile was weak but warm. "If you must address them other than by name, anyway. And to be clear, their name is Micah. Nyxara and Talia are the other two."
"What's their deal?"
"Sometime since I met Nyxara, she and Talia became friends," a fond expression accompanied their words. "I had been worried Talia would be alone forever, given she's not really a romantic. Talia and I have kept in touch over the years, and I was overjoyed when she told me she and Nyxara were getting married." She let out a long contented sigh. "It couldn't be me. The two of them are a perfectly matched pair of nonphysical platonically entwined sweethearts."
A flash of the looks I'd seen them share came to mind. "That explains a lot. I feel like I've known others like them."
"That's what I told Talia ages ago. She was unconvinced until Nyxara showed back up."
"Your shared history is dizzying, you know."
"I'm sure it would be less dizzying if I told you a secret."
"Five hundred years was the honest truth and not a joke?"
Tenebra shot up to a seated position and met my gaze. "Remembering something?"
"No. But my mother once told me there were goddesses in this world who lived for an age upon an age." The words were spilling out, and the truth of them warmed me, even if I couldn't remember the mother they were about. "And Em's eyes speak of a history of loss and separation."
"Go manage your business. I'll meet you in the bed."
When I returned, Tenebra was lying atop the blankets, I assumed for the clear image of propriety. It made sense. I was the only woman in the building who seemed uninterested in other women. So I wasn't going to fight her effort at avoiding trouble.
I traded positions with her, letting Tenebra wrap and arm around me.
"So just how old are you, anyway?" It felt innocent enough.
Her humming behind me indicated she was thinking on the question. Some time passed, and I wasn't certain she was going to answer. "I remember when the first rain drop fell. Talia was there for the first war. Nyxara and Micah are far younger, though I don't know the exact numbers."
"I promise I won't tell anyone, but Nico is convinced you're the Lady Nihil," I whispered the words. "Is it true?"
"Nihil is but one half of a name. It's half a name I cannot say, save to those who already know it. Nihil Nalia." She gasped when the words came out. "Well that's peculiar. Swear to me you will not use that name against me."
"Save for a dire emergency." I rolled over to face her. "Does your wife know the name?"
Her wholly black eyes seemed terrified at the thought. "Can you do me a favour and tell her. She deserves to know." Something resembling intrigue flashed across her features. "Then, perhaps Nyxara already has. Talia doesn't even know it."
"Hmm. That's quite a sticky position, Tenebra," I gave her my brightest smile, "but I think we can manage it." I looked over my shoulder at the door. "Micah," I said as softly as I could, "your wife wants you to know what you just overheard from the hallway."
Yet again, Tenebra shot to a position sitting upright. "Doll?"
Micah stepped around the doorframe and into the room. "So. Nihil Nalia. It's a shame I had to find out secondhand, but I'm glad to know it at last, lovey-dove."
"How long have you been there?" Seeing her wife smile, Tenebra relaxed but stayed upright.
"Well, I will say I didn't follow the group downstairs." Micah closed the distance and crawled over me and over Tenebra to take up position on the opposite side of their wife. "So I heard the whole conversation. It was really quite adorable."
Tenebra looked at me, still sitting upright. "And you just let them?"
I placed my hand on Tenebra's arm, and Micah placed theirs on mine. As we both pulled her back to lying down, we giggled in unison. "Of course I did. They're your wife, after all. I have nothing to hide from them. And neither do you, Tenebra."
"You know, lovey-dove," Micah whispered into their wife's ear, not attempting to hide the words, "I look forward to using that name against you."
A Hole and a Soul
The next several moons consisted largely of me working at the stables as I continued working to remember what I could. I didn't remember much apart from flashes of being face down in mud and covered in sweat. That served as signal to the folks at the smithy that I might ought to take up a sword and test my hand.
I opted out.
While I pitched hay and brushed things that were barely horses at all, the others spent a measure of time building strategy and preparing for their assault on the fell-queen's palace. Apparently, everything hinged on a woman they called 'The Rose', who Tenebra seemed convinced was my sister. A part of me was jealous that they weren't trying to use me in the plans at all, but in Nyx's words, I was 'meant for more'.
Em and Tal vanished three or four suns after Tenebra and I reconciled. As I understood it, they were working toward finding someone they'd lost. They each left a note for me. Both said the same thing. "Don't let my wife do anything stupid." That caught a laugh from both wives in question.
One sun after a long while living with Kovar and Nico, I found myself behind the smithy's counter learning how Nico ran the shop. Dasara was situated below the counter to watch me work, and I was doing my best in a black dress with a black apron tied with a gold sash. People came and went, seeking or commissioning jobs depending on their needs.
"A sword. Preferably silver." Nico laughed that one out the door.
"An axe. Hardened steel. When you get to it." Nico charged that one less than its value.
"A new coat of arms for the house of Magnia." The name nearly made me vomit. Apparently a new Lady Magnia had been assigned since the previous one's death. Nico took the order and demanded ten times its value.
"A place to stay. I can weave." We communicated with someone from a different part of town and sent that one on their way with hope.
It was an excellent opportunity to see how the city breathed on an ordinary sun. The peace of it gave my mind to wander, which kept bringing me back to the morning with Lady Amanita. A noble, glaring at her servant. A warrior protecting a friend. A shadow invading the mind of a fool. And a fighter, notably absent from the encounter, staring at the wall.
My idle steps carried me over to the spot, and my eyes settled upon a board nailed crossways to the rest of the wall's panelling. It was pristine, if a bit aged, with an impressive nail hole in the centre that no longer bore the iron that had caused it.
"Pleasant memory, that," Nyx's voice startled me, and my head collided with her chin. "Ope. Apologies. Didn't realise I'd gotten so close."
"It's fine," I groaned, rubbing the spot as it throbbed. "How's your chin?"
She laughed at the suggestion. "I'm basically a diamond in human form. I promise I'm fine. Only things that could kill me are silverthorn or the Devouring, and I've survived both before." Nyx placed a single finger on the nail hole. "Curious about that?"
"You know the story?"
"Well, I don't know how much you know. But the short version is yes." She rubbed her hair, setting her hand alight in its flames. "Deona tells me you're a Primrose, so I suppose that hole is as much your story as mine, believe or not."
"No riddles, please," I groaned. "Why are all four of you like that?"
"It's probably all the time I've spent with Tal." I saw something like a blush darken her already deep brown skin. "Anyway, a Primrose matriarch left a message for me here in the original Kovar and Iron, and that board's been saved ever since.
"Eliana and her husband Tareth showed up in the capital making plans upon plans upon plans. For all I know, some of her plans still haven't been revealed, and she's been gone too long." I could see she was proud of this person. "And, having laid those plans, she stopped at Kovar and Iron with as much attitude as any Primrose woman ever and nailed a message to the wall.
"Kovar and Iron of that time were good spirited about it, given that she put a hole in their wall, but almost three years later, I showed up with Em in tow, and the first plan played out precisely." Nyx let out a long sigh. "My biggest problem with immortality is that all your friends pass on. But their kids and grandkids and so on have been good company."
"Aunt Nyx." The name felt right.
"And Aunt Tal and Uncle Em. That's what Tarant called us."
"Tenebra tells me that's my Da's name," the tears were fighting to form again. "Tarant the Shield, the Meek, the Bulwark. He had a lot of titles, that man."
"Tarant Primrose of Greywatch Spire. Gave up the family name when he and your Ma left for Powell's Square." She was fighting her own emotions about something. "You're not like either of them, thank the goddesses. You seem more like your ancestral grandmother. The new Eliana."
"I'll stick with Flux, thanks."
Nyx's laughter threatened to bring the building down. "In any case, Flux, that board has history. And so the smiths kept it. You would too if a mousey noble from deep phobward barged in and nailed a message to your wall."
Uncertain Shifts
The Rose has arrived.
She needs work.
Will send when she's ready.
— Em
The message showed up under my pillow in the middle of the night. I was sleeping one second, and the next I was rolling over to a crinkling sound that thrust me into complete wakefulness. Why had they given the note to me?
I didn't immediately get out of bed. Instead, I hugged Dasara to me and gently rubbed the healed crack down her face. Nyx had shown me how to mix worker's tar with a substantial amount of sawdust to fill damage in wood and make her more whole. It wasn't perfect, but it helped a lot.
Her dress had ripped one afternoon when I was carrying her about town and a kindly soul offered me some gold thread. They wouldn't accept even a single cuprin, let alone the argenta the thread was worth. My hands weren't perfect at the task, but the new seam was the most beautiful part of her dress.
I felt a certain kinship for Dasara as damage and repair mounted. Truly we were on parallel paths.
Lying in bed a while longer, I wrestled with what came next. I didn't know my family. I didn't know myself. All I knew is what people told me, and what they told me sounded absurd. The note could wait while I let myself stew. Especially if this Rose was going to be a while.
"Your Ma was a warrior. Perhaps so are you." Unlikely story. I didn't have a warrior's build. Just because my shoulders were broad and my legs were muscular? Not likely.
"Your Da was an immovable force. You seem pretty sturdy." Did I? My memory wasn't even sturdy enough to stick around, and arguably that should've been the sturdiest part of a woman.
"Your sister's a rapscallion. At least you're not." There, we could agree. I couldn't even fathom causing trouble for those around me. Terrifying thought, that.
"I don't know you proper, Flux, but you seem a level sort. Don't let the others define you." Tenebra's words were the most reassuring. Everyone else was focused on who I might be. Tenebra was focused on who she saw.
My mind softly drifted back to sleep, the note forgotten, as I continued thinking of who I might long to be.
The dream was a strange blend of memory and light. A brown haired baby. A strong mother. A father cooking. A red-haired man holding my hand with a broad smile.
It shifted. A strong mother. A father singing. A kindly lady with a knife and a grin. Blood streaming down her leg. My own hand covered in blood. A sword at my feet.
Again, a shift. Just a father and a brown-haired little girl. The red-haired man held me as I cried.
Then another shift. Eating a beautiful meal. A small family. Mine? No father. No mother. Just us. Doing our best.
Darkness given voluptuous curves and a vicious smile. Black petals, black stem, black leaves. Tenebra. No. That wasn't her name then. I called her sister. But not that way.
A golden flower tied into golden hair. Mine. It was a mirror. But I wasn't me. I was her. The sister of Tenebra who wasn't Tenebra.
They weren't my memories. Someone else remembered these things, held onto them, and gave them to me.
Who was she?
By the time morning came, I was ever more lost, even more confused, and no closer to recovering who I was. I could be forgiven for forgetting there was a note that had slipped from my bed into the shadows while I slept. Who could blame Flux for forgetting.
It was what she did, after all.
But in any case, that oversight almost destroyed everything. Everything I had built. Everything I had lost. Everything I might one sun achieve. It was fortune beyond fortune that it all turned out okay.
I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's start from a few moons before the sun when Arian Indra entered the deimward gate into Violet's Repose.